Parenting Skills - Dr Apala Singh

Parenting is one of the most challenging tasks. However, if we follow certain principles, it can be a lot easier and prove to be a fulfilling experience for the parents.

What are parenting skills?

In simple terms, these are the skills required to raise the child from birth to independent adulthood. Good parenting leads to the development of self-esteem, academic achievement, and cognitive development in children. Here are some basic parenting tips to make your parenting experience worthwhile.

Be a role model

Children learn by observing the people around them. Since they spend the maximum time with their parents, they imitate and imbibe their behaviors and attitudes. Hence, parents should set a good example for their children. For example, if parents fight in front of their children, they can’t expect their children to be calm in facing similar situations in life. However, we should not set an unrealistic image in front of children. We are human and we make mistakes. Wherever possible one should discuss their mistakes with children.

Don’t compare

Unnecessary comparison of your child with siblings and friends can lower their self-esteem. In long term, it can lead to anxiety and depression. Rather, treat your children as individuals having their own set of strengths. Focus on their strengths.

Listen to them

Listening is an important part of communication. Give full attention to your child while they are telling something to you. Make eye contact with them and pause the thing you are doing. Children feel important when they are listened to. They will be in a better position to discuss their feelings with you.

Reflect

It’s a technique of “active listening". Children are sometimes not able to express and label their emotions. Parents can sum up or label that feeling so that the child feels understood. Validate your child's feelings. Don't worry about incorrectly summarizing. Children usually correct their parents. You can try again.

Responding to a behavior

It is important to learn how to use discipline and consequences to shape a child’s behavior. If your child has done something desirable, reward them. This will increase the chances of that behavior being repeated. This could be a simple praise, a hug or giving something of their choice eg. Extra time to play, preparing the meal they like. What to do if they do something undesirable? No. it should not be punishment. It's seen that punishment is a temporary fix and in fact, increases the chances of that behavior recurring in long term. If parents shout or beat up their children, they learn that aggression is the correct way to get things done. Such children are more likely to be violent as adults. So what to do? For younger children throwing temper tantrums, you may ignore their behavior. Ignoring conveys that the behavior is not given the attention which the child intends to get. However, dangerous behaviors, particularly if the child is trying to hurt him or others or compromising their safety should not be ignored and immediately addressed. Time out is another technique that can be used after misbehavior. It simply means to remove the child from that situation for 5-10 minutes. Ensure that the child remains in your vicinity and is not allowed to talk to anyone, doesn’t have toys or books around him at that time. Other methods are delaying or taking away the privileges from them after the misbehavior for eg- If the child engages in a fight, you may not let him or her watch cartoons for that day. Explicitly mention the behavior for which their privilege was taken away.Parents should set some ground rules after discussion with children and form mutually agreed upon consequences after misbehavior. Following these principles might require a lot of effort and patience, but it will lead to a smooth parenting journey. Take care of yourself, and then only you will be able to take care of your child. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Relax. Remember we all make mistakes